And so after a fretful night of plotting (how to finagle British Airways into giving us compensatory travel vouchers), suppressing the unfounded fear that this fateful vacation would land us at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, and tempering garden-variety giddy celebrity-crush excitement, we finally boarded the aircraft; our first grand trip to Europa was (well?) under way.

FUN FACT. The direct flight from Seattle to London’s Heathrow Airport is not a straight shot across the continental US, as travel vloggers on Youtube would like their audience to think. It is in fact an arched trajectory that crosses much of northern Canada and grazes the bottoms (my attempt at cheeky English humour!) of Greenland and Iceland. And how can I speak with such certainty? The little onboard entertainment screen on the seatback of the passenger that decided to recline way back into my lap told me so.

9 hours. More than a third of a day. The physician-recommended number of hours of sleep everywhere, except upright in coach class on an air-conditioned plane barreling through the dark north Atlantic sky.

What happens when your flight is delayed by a few hours and you need to make your connecting flight? Well, you learn to squelch the irritation you feel at near collisions with other passengers who are simply lounging about as you runwalk down the concourse.

But what happens if your flight is delayed by nearly a day because of the airline’s ineptitude? Shouldn’t you get priority boarding on the flight to your final destination? Shouldn’t you be treated like English royalty at this point? Why is this scullery maid-cum-gate agent speaking to me in that (stern albeit delightful) tone of voice?

I wish I could say that I felt the mystique of Europe wash over me the moment the plane door opened. But that would be a lie. Our first step onto European soil was anticlimactic, disappointing even. Heathrow is a disjointed airport (by design unfortunately). You take a bus that weaves between separate free-standing terminals. This becomes increasingly frustrating as you wait impatiently for the bus doors to close at yet another Terminal 5 stop. Sheer agony.

So it seems there may not be any available seats on the next flight to Vienna, she says politely. Perhaps you may want to wait at the gate in case some come free? It is obvious she has mastered this so-sorry-to-disappoint-you face. Frantic speedwalking ensues. I apologize but you may not go beyond this security point without your newly-issued ticket. Please return to the ticketing desk. But she just said we could…ok, nevermind…we’ll go back.

Same ticket agent, this time a wide grin on her face. Here are the tickets for your confirmed flight! Please refer to the departure board for gate information 30 minutes prior to boarding.

It looks like we will have some time to burn. Fish and chips anyone?

Hold on. Backup. Let me get this straight. We have to somehow know which direction to run and which bus to catch to make it in time for our flight the moment a gate number appears on the departure board? Yes, thank you and have a lovely day. How we ever managed to make it on time to the right gate is still a mystery. Bob feels otherwise.

Since this was back in early decade of the 21st century (2010) when international cellphone plans were outrageously expensive (I’m talking to you Verizon), payphones were the only alternative. Imagine the fun of trying to find one in an unfamiliar labyrinth of cavernous duty-free shops, crowded food courts, and multiple terminal buildings. Poor Peter and Traude. How many hour-long trips did they have to make back and forth between home and Vienna International Airport.

I think we might be able to catch a standby flight to Vienna at mid-morning. Wait. Make that noon. Actually. There’s another standby arriving closer to 3:30PM now. Nope. Not that one either. 6PM. They are certain we will be landing around 6PM.

TRAVEL TIP: I am not trying to be spiteful in light of our little debacle. But unless you are visiting the United Kingdom (England, Northern Ireland, Ireland, Scotland) avoid the British airports. Heathrow and Gatwick have notoriously high airport taxes, even if you are just connecting there.